Thinking my life through

Born and raised with love raging in my heart,

I have come to swim in the ocean of my memories,

The memories of a past that partially turned into ashes,

While some golden moments of light glow upon the sheets of my life's book.

I look at what I had to lose,

At what I had to give.

I am satisfied,

For it was all painfully and profoundly genuine,

My true nature rescues me now,

It keeps me from forgetting who I am,

And holds me as my legs seem to surrender to the night

And to the gravity electrifying that edge.

Now,

Today,

With all of my heart,

I step on all of the darkness in my way,

And smile!

:)

La musique envahit mon âme si hâtivement,

Mais je ne veux qu'écrire pour un moment…

Tous mes mots m'échappent,

Et le vent au fond me frappe..

mais je parle de l'amour,

et toi tu me reproches de toutes mes fautes..

viendras -t-il un jour,

ou nos mémoires et promesses seront mortes??

(wrote back in 2005)

Being in love as a teeeeeen :)

We can be the light ,That blinds the sun….

You're the moon shining on me tonight ,You're the fever burning in my blood ,You're the angel keeping me awake ,You're the voice making me safe and warm …How to describe my love ?Oh !How to describe my feelings ?Nothing matters but you , and me ..Strange how you filled me with yearnings ,Young innocent hopes ,Melting my dreamy heart …21-6-05

a Monet painting can't limit your beauty ,a rainbow can't define the colour of your eyes ,the wide ocean can't go deeper than your love ,a summer's burning sun can't shine as radiant as your smile ,and no one can touch my heart as warm as you do ..2-8-05

Silence became loud,Rain burned my cheeks,Passion stroke my mind,My eyes glittered of light,Love healed my heart,Roses grew secretly in my hands;When I looked through your eyes,…Magic was glowing all over your face,A magic I could not understand,It's like breaking clouds,Crossing a rainbow……9-9-04

Non et Non!

Ne me contemples pas de cette manière , ne me parles pas comme ça!

J'ai bien passé de mauvaises nuits , et tu n'étais pas là !Noyée dans mes rêves , dans mes illusions , et me voici aujourd'hui noyée dans ma colère…..Et quand les années abîmerons mon éclat , ma beauté , et quand je perdrais mon enthousiasme ; trouverais-je tes bras sur mes épaules ? m'admiriez-vous encore , ou me regardiez-vous avec dégoût si je me tourne videment aux cieux ?L'encens est éteint , l'arôme du musc a fané ; mais moi j'attends avec ardeur à atteindre ma figure agée qui te soucie , et qui t'ennyerais plutôt…mon coeur n'est pas déchiré ou obscur , ce n'est pas ma mélancolie et mon spleen qui poussent ces mots de mes entrailles , c'est seulement une idée qui s'est réveillée avec moi le matin du Dimanche 7 août 2005 .. j'ai manqué de vous dire ''je t'aime'' , ingrat jeune homme … 10:55 a.m

Right there ...

And if you search for me ,

I'll be here longing to meet you ,

Over here ,

at the corner of your road ,

Where you left me ,

Shadowed by all of my illusionary yearnings ,

But how long might I endure waiting ?

My knees feel weak ,

I need to rest ,

I should get away from here ,

Maybe get away from you ,

I love you so much it hurts ……

My heart is aching ,

How can you ask me not to shed a tear ?

Do you hate my weakness ?

I'm not sure of your love any more …

I feel dizzy ,

And if I faint ,

I know you won't be near to hold me and protect me …

Does it hurt you ?

Is it painful to miss me ?

Am I your companion through your travelling journey ?

I was your smile ,

But a frown haunted your beloved face ….

As I try to erase it ,

It affects me and steals my beauty …

How long might I endure waiting ?

11-8-05 3:30 P.M

can leave you and still feel free .. for the love I gave you is enough to warm up your heart for another lifetime .but I'm still here, I won't break this bond , I want us to share new memories , new thoughts .. my heart thinks about you all the time , and my mind loves your smile .. I miss the rain , won't we meet again in december ? hear me singing for you when the moon wakes up , though I'll be far way , wandering in the night , chasing a white butterfly .. 18-8-05

Mon Aug 29, 2005 1:58 pm
you think that you can see right through me ..who gave you the right ?who gave you that might ?don't expect me to do what's best for you ,don't even try to bring me down ..it's my anger that rules my day ,it is discust that makes me stay ...you can't fix me ,and i won't even let you try ,i'm not broken ,i never was and never will be ...just leave the way you first came into my life ,i don't want you ,though you need me ,i won't trust you ,though you love me ....just go away ,let me rest for a moment ...close the door now and shut off the lights ,blossom a kiss on my cold cheekand just leave ,my imaginary ennemy...

of Coffee

Fri Sep 09, 2005 11:49 am
my lips taste of coffee ,

and my body is weak ..

salty like my tears ,

my cheeks glow in the dark ...

the night and the new morning ,

interrupted by my suffocated sighs and screams ,

were as lonely as my heart ..

this night i couldn't escape ,

still haunts my mind ..

forgive and forget ,

forgive and forget ,

up until the pain tears my heart apart ..

Anger

This will never end ,Not the anger , not the pain ,Time heals all wounds ,But never forgetfullness haunts me …Don't look so damn grumpy ,I've forgiven you both for all of it ,All of the tears I shed since I were thirteen ,Or was i eleven years old ?You tell me when ,You started it , not me !!Does it really matter after all ?Do I need to know that ?What would make it stop ?I'm the fruit of your sacred love ,I'm the alliance of your hatred and her pride …My tall legs feel so small ,My body is weak ,It's curved and sore again ,My mouth is bleeding ,My lips are burning with each word I'm saying ,It's oppressing my torn heart ,And I blame it all on you …Don't you dare yell at me !Not anymore …I remain silent ,I won't hurt you in return ….And your blood keeps me alive ,I know ,It obstrays my veins too …Have you ever wondered who damaged my eyes with this sad look I carry along ?Do you feel guilty for crashing me under your shoes ?Do you even know your own daughter ?!!I'm talking to you ,You're not listening ,Why can't you look me in the eye ?You'll never understand it …Your hatred taught me how to love ,I'm devoted to others the way you're devoted to yourself ,Selfish unkind man ….Ungrateful severe woman ….I love you more than ever before …There's no grudge inside of me ,But it's your fault ….And now it's my life ,It's my choice …
22-9-05 22:58

A Dream

Wed Oct 05, 2005 11:40 am
it was a dream ,

you held me tight ,

and it was our goOdbye ...

five months passed ,

i've somehow forgotten you ..

you looked at me ,you're still beautiful ,

but i didn't feel that fever again ,

you lost that charm ,

or perhaps i did !!!

To a Friend

Tue Mar 07, 2006 3:55 pm


i think
you didn't feel sorry coz u couldn't understand what it meant to me ...
so why was i crying on the phone
and u weren't ?!

i think
that this whole time , you never really knew me ,
you lost my trust and i feel sorry for your loss ...
i forgave u even before you realized i was hurt ,
so why do u keep asking me for forgiveness ?
just help me to forget it ....

it's been too heavy on my shoulders ,
my bones are weak ,
weaker than my heart ...
do you know what you broke ?
i don't think you understand ....

but i love u girl , i'm here for you ,and you know it ..
so, is that why it was easy for you to disappoint me ,
did it give you the strength u needed to do that?

i think
you just didn't know how to love me ....
he was right ,
and people just don't understand how to ..

i think
i underestimated his true love to me ,i kept him as far as possible ...
but he was there ,
and you weren't ...

all of our souvenirs makes me wonder about our friendship ,
and brings me closer to him ...
we were so pure ...
what have u done to me ?!
i'm glad you won't read this !!!

i think
i'll go home now .